Dear Friends,
January 15
Today a Baba, a saint, arrived in time to do the noon arati. While
sitting, chanting in the saint’s presence, a feeling of Krishna, of
whom he is a devotee, was effortlessly present. Also, the saint’s
skin has a most pleasant glow. Surely these are signs of one who has
some realization. Victory to God, Victory to His saints.
Babu – our previous
“housekeeper” here at Anandashram has been here at the ashram for
the past few days. He had prayed that he would be here when I came.
I asked him about his circumstances when he left the ashram.
He said that three
years back he had been switched from care of this block of buildings
to the 24 hour care of Darshan Singh (this change happened the last
time I was here). Darshan Singh was an elderly devotee (he served in
the army during the same time as Swami Satchidananda). Babu said
Darshan Singh was good to him but the pressure of 24-hour care was
causing him stress (a worker who had been previously assigned the
care of Darshan Singh had asked for different duties due to the
difficult circumstances).
The stress
continued to build over time. Helping Darshan Singh go to the toilet
at all hours, he would get up without waking Babu and Babu had a
constant worry that he might fall again (which is why Babu was
assigned to him). Babu told Swamiji that the job was stressful for
him. He was assured that he could continue on. However, the pressure
continued to build and finally resulted in a feeling of desperation:
Babu suddenly left the ashram without telling anyone that he was
going, without asking permission of Swamiji. Babu left for the holy
sites of Haridwar and Rishikesh. He eventually called the ashram
after being in Haridwar for some time; Swamiji asked Babu to come to
the ashram before going to other places. When Babu returned he was
received with love, “Swamiji was laughing”. He told Babu that he
should have let him know more clearly how distressed he was, not
sleeping, etc. Babu said, “Yes, that was one mistake I made, I did
not say.”
Feeling now that it
was all Papa’s will, Babu is living with his mother and brother.
When I was here previously (1999) Babu had been distressed at the
plight of his mother and brother’s circumstances. Swamiji had
arranged for a small house for the two of them in Kannur.
Note: I have said
that in the dictionary under the word seva (selfless service) you
would find Babu’s picture. When he was servicing the rooms, this was
true. Why then did this strange scenario happen to this sadhaka,
this karma yogi? Babu was tested with a new and difficult
circumstance to help universalize his vision; to see God in all
people, all circumstances. The change to serving Darshan Singh
produced anxiety, which denotes a lack of faith and attachment to
the sense of, “I am the doer”. The challenge for Babu was to see God
in his new service, to feel that it was God who was doing the work
and to feel peace and love in doing so.
A failure in
progress comes about as a lack of intensity of sadhana. Remembrance
of God and surrender to His will produces a Teflon surface upon
which the effects of the world have nowhere to cling.
That Babu went
through hell, there is no doubt. He clearly got caught in a trap of
the ego. Feeling he was the doer the load of responsibility
eventually unhinged him. Here God was presenting an example of how
the sadhana of a dedicated devotee can go wrong. My love and
compassion flowed to Babu – I fed him sweets and he took some tea.
It has been lovely
to chant with Babu in the mandir – to see him participate in the
ashram activities as any visitor. One other thing of note: where
before Babu’s skin always showed a glow of light, now it was dull;
before there was a joy, now there is a heavy, dark cloud around him;
evident beyond his outward smiles.
Oh Infinite
compassionate One,
You see to it that Babu, Your Child,
Is brought through this dark night.
You see to it that this child of Yours
Is lifted into Your joy and bliss,
That he realizes that he is not the doer
And that he is forever in Your loving hands.
Om Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram
January 16
We have been received here with so much love and service: truly Papa
and Mataji’s spirit is alive and well here.
While doing Ram Nam
at 6:00 am I felt joy and bliss co-mingling. In my mind’s eye the
image of Hanuman came; he was huge, his head against the ceiling of
the mandir. I felt even more joy as I noticed his blissful smile,
eyes just slits, rapt in joy and bliss in listening to the Ram Nam.
Joy upon Joy! Bliss and more bliss! The walls of the mandir
dissolved into expanding Light, joy and bliss! Oh Infinite Light,
joy and bliss, how to pay you proper respect! No words, no poetry or
art can properly convey what Thou art!
Sat – Chid –
Ananda.
This morning was a
time of saints.
I went to see Swami
Muktananda (S.M.) about a time to meet him in order to give him
donations for the tsunami victims. S.M. had been to Chennai and
visited a village of 35 families. All their possessions had been
wiped out; many people lost their lives along that shoreline. There
were many relief organizations in the area doing good work, but this
village seemed to be getting no attention. The Ashram is committing
itself to this village. First it will build a structure for the
village and then new houses. The help will not stop there. They plan
a long term commitment to the village, making sure the children get
education and their health needs are met, etc.
On my way out Swami
Satchidananda (S.S.) was just coming out of his quarters. He was
wheeled out under the trees and there he parked his wheelchair. He
saw me, smiled and signaled I should come closer. He asked me if I
would like to go to the Mother Krishnabai Centenary Hall with him. I
told him there is no place in the world I would rather be. We
circled the garden out front of the Centenary Hall several times.
When I had first seen this garden (1999) it was mostly a dirt pile.
Swami Chidananda and S.S. took the first shovel-full to start the
garden. Now the garden gleamed in a variety of colors, a display of
nature’s bounty. He examined some of the flowers with quiet
comments.
We then entered the
Centenary Building. It had mats on the floor, a bed and a high
table. Swamiji was wheeled in and I was given a chair. I sat close,
facing him at an angle; he asked me about my activities in the U.S.
and I told him some of the bare bone facts. We sat hand in hand for
a long time; he said it was good that I had come. Tears stood in my
eyes while we sat; holding his hand I was suddenly back in time
holding the hand of Mother. Past memories and this present moment
merged into one. What fortune I have had to have the love and regard
of two great spiritual Masters; treasure upon treasure!
This love felt is
more than friendship, more than family – it is akin to a romance –
but it is not possessive – it is a divine romance – it asks for
nothing but the recognition of the love’s existence (not in words
but in consciousness). Swamiji asked me to go and look from the
balcony at the new building, Guru Prasad Building. Swamiji told me
that is where Tuli Baba was residing.
Eventually, Swami
Muktananda entered; it was time for Swamiji to walk! Parallel bars
had been set up in the distant end of the L shaped room. Slowly
Swamiji walked up and down the course, mostly needing help with
moving his right foot. He rested at one end– then started again.
Swami Muktananda’s infectious laugh made everyone break up in
stitches – including Swamiji. I am sure no physical therapy session
has ever been so full of fun. How sweet to see Swamiji wreathed in
smiles, even as he struggled at one step after another.
We left the Hall,
my heart full to brimming – a boon and a grace – which I pray
conveys itself to you, my dear reader, as you read this account.
Upon returning to
my room Lakshmi came to the door: “Tuli Baba would like to see you
now.” What wonder is this? Our sisters, Lakshmi and Mansi, had been
telling the revered saint about us: “He wants to meet you.”
Baba has been
coming to Anandashram every month for seven days for some time now.
He is very friendly and familiar with Swami Satchidananda.
We made our way to
Guru Prasad Building, the very one Swami Satchidananda had wanted me
to go and look at just a little while before! We walked into the
beautiful quarters, just behind the house Carla and I stayed in
three years before. Baba was seated out on the covered back porch.
He motioned for me to sit on the cot next to his chair; Carla sat on
the floor along with two disciples of Baba, Lakshmi stayed as well.
One noble looking man, Bhishma, was the translator: Baba only speaks
Tamil.
Again I notice the
sheen of Baba’s skin, he is wearing only the barest of loincloths.
He has a round belly, mostly gray beard and hair, hair is long and
matted, bushy eyebrows, a serious look most of the time, but he is
quick to break into laughter. He carries a thinly made tube with no
holes except the hollow at each end. He looks at me occasionally,
but mostly to the translator while speaking. I tend to also look at
the translator more than him.
He began a series
of questions:
TB: “What is your
spiritual practice?”
David: “ I practice
Kriya Yoga and Ram Nam; I also serve God in the ways He directs me,
and I love Him more than the world and this body.”
TB: “What is your
connection with this ashram?”
David: “My Guru,
Mother Hamilton, met Papa along with Mataji and Swami Satchidananda
on Papa’s world tour in 1954. Mother was a disciple of Paramhansa
Yogananda, who left the body in 1952. Mother felt that Papa would
help her to gain her full realization. She and her husband sold
their house and all their belongings and traveled to here,
Anandashram, in 1957; they stayed here for about a year.”
TB: “How long have
you been practicing Kriya Yoga?”
David: “Since 1974,
Mother initiated me into Kriya, I have practiced since. Also, on the
first meeting with Mother she sang Ram Nam. Kriya Yoga and Ram Nam I
have practiced over 30 years now.
TB: Do you have any
fears?”
David: “I have not
been aware of any fears since I spent a year in silence and
solitude.”
TB: “What do you
see when you look out on the world?”
David: “Baba, you
have come as Ram to give me an examination!” (hearty laughter)
I looked directly
at Baba’s eyes; he in mine – soul to soul – laughter and divine joy
prevailed! “I see God in all, in you, (looking at those sitting
around), and in you, and you, and you, and (patting the wall next to
me) in this wall.”
TB: “Do you see God
in the world or as Spirit?”
David: “I see God
primarily as the all pervading Spirit of God. I also see Him in
special manifestations of form as well.”
TB: “Do you ever
experience fear?
David: “I am not
aware of having any fear.”
TB: How do you feel
when you see others suffering, and, how do you react when others
attack you, say bad things about you?”
David: “When I see
suffering of others my heart hurts and I feel waves of compassion.
When others attack me I first analyze myself to see if I have done
something wrong. If I have done nothing improper then I think about
what state of mind the other person must have when they attacked me.
We have a word in the West, it’s called projection: If someone is
angry they think the other fellow is the one who is angry. I try to
understand the person attacking. If it is possible – I look for ways
I might help them. My background is in counseling. If they are open
to it, I try to help them.”
David: “Swamiji,
may I ask you a question?”
TB: (Laughter,
laughter) “You may.”
David: “Baba, do
you have any advice for my sadhana.”
TB: “You are on a
good path. You are right. Do not get involved with powers. Powers
are not good.”
David: “Baba, that
is what Mother Hamilton taught us, not to get involved with powers,
psychic or otherwise. She used to say, ‘If you want to get something
done, go to the president of the company, if he says, ‘Yes, do this;
you know it will be done.’ Likewise, go to the President of the
universe first, and then everything will be done correctly’. As
Jesus said, ‘Seek ye first God and His kingdom, everything else will
be added unto you’.”
Baba was wagging
his head in approval at what I was saying. He seemed to like
Mother’s analogy of the President of the universe and knew well the
saying of Jesus.
David: “You carry
that thin, metal pipe with you – is that Krishna’s flute?
TB: “Yes.”
David: “Does it
also represent the spine, the shushumna?”
TB: (Some surprise)
The pipe – the flute – has no holes on the sides – only on the ends.
That is why it represents jnani (wisdom – knowledge). “If someone is
ready, I hit them on the head, two or three times. If it is your
understanding it is the shushumna…”
Baba was leaving to
do the noon arati. He agreed to pictures; I kneeled next to him. He
slapped me on the back as I had seen him do to others, it was not
jarring at all – rather it was friendly. I turned a bit and we held
hands – joy was in the air – I liked him very much.
As I rose and Baba
was leaving, I pronamed to our translator, Bhishma. The other
devotee, Periya Tiruvadi stood (his name means “big holy feet”. In
Tamil Vaishnava literature it means Garuda, the divine eagle which
serves as the vehicle for Lord Krishna). Periya is at least six feet
four inches tall and large built as well, a big black beard and a
beautiful smile. Perya Tiruvadi rushed across the room and gave me a
great bear hug! What fun!
When we walked away
Lakshmi wanted to say something very badly to me, but her English is
halting. Baba said something about you the translator did not tell
you. He said, “He knows it” in Tamil, “He knows it all.” Her face
was beaming with joy, she pronamed at my feet.
Om Sri Ram Jai
Ram Jai Jai Ram
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