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January 17
So much happens
in a day – it is impossible to capture everything!
Dr. Vimala, one
of Swamiji’s doctors stopped by, our chairs and ourselves out on the
porch, inviting company. She introduced herself as one who loves our
Mother, having talked to Cate when she was here before. I spoke of
Mother for some time, but the talk began to steer towards her
sadhana.
When treating Swamiji she had disagreements with others on the
multi-disciplinary team. She spoke vigorously for what she believed
was the proper treatment, but afterwards the bad feelings stayed
with her.
I suggested that she take the attitude that God was working through
her. She could take vigorous stands; in fact she needed to play the
part; that is why she is there. But also to see this drama as His
play – and recognize God is playing the parts of other team members.
God is the doer, not you; that is the reason you are suffering
afterwards, because you are thinking you are the doer.
Next was her feeling of “guilt” at Swamiji’s suffering:
especially if some medicines were stopped against her wishes and
Swamiji suffered as a result.
I pointed out that her “guilt” was not guilt but compassion. The
bucket of tears she shed nightly was God’s compassion through her.
When she feels that God Himself, as the Divine Mother, is feeling
such love and compassion, “then like a river it flows through you.
You will then find sweetness along with the pain. Pain may be very
well be there, but joy and peace as well. When you feel it is only
you who suffers, you contract and try to stop the feeling. Feel that
God is feeling for Swamiji through you. Not Swamiji only, for he is
carrying a load for the world; so your compassion is for the
suffering of the entire world. No wonder you feel so much; it’s
God’s compassion for the world.”
[She said] “One other thing; my mother is sick – she does not
like the climate here. After being at the clinic, then taking care
of Swamiji, I come home to my mother who has complaints, I prepare
dinner for her and give her a massage – by then it is 11:00pm. By
that time I do not see her as God, I am very tired.”
[I said to her] “There is a saying that we give our first fruits
to God, the first 10%. Internally as well, we keep 10% of ourselves
for God. That is, don't give 100% to the world. In your heart keep
at least 10% for God, all through the day. When flying in an
airplane they tell you, in case of an emergency, put your own oxygen
mask on first before helping anyone else. God is your oxygen. By
keeping just 10% of your attention on God – you will be hooked up to
your oxygen – prana. Your mother is God come to test you. God in her
form tries to hold you responsible for her misery. Don't fall for
it; just serve her to the best of your ability, let the rest go.”
Dr. Vimala pronamed at my feet, then at the mother’s (Carla’s)
feet as so many have been doing. I gave her a picture of Mother from
1950 (about the time she came to the ashram) and a Gita card.
Om Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram
Nityananda appeared yesterday at the Ashram while I was seeing
Swami Muktananda. [Editor – David later tells us that the events
described in these next few sentences happened in 2002.] Nityananda
was chained to the wall, because of his bi-polar condition, by his
parents. Margarete had asked me to help him. After a few visits I
arranged for a top psychiatrist connected with the ashram to start
him on medication (Nityananda reminded me that I also paid for the
medications). His father died and he ended up in an institution. In
2002 Swami Muktananda, Sri Ram Bhat and I drove to see Nityananda.
It was very good to see him here at the ashram. He is allowed to
visit for some days at a time (he had created problems here before,
thus the restricted time.)
Nityananda asked that I come for a private interview he scheduled
with Tuli Baba; I agreed. I sat behind Nityananda as he asked for
blessings for several difficulties he was having in his sadhana.
Nityananda’s open, childlike presentation made Baba burst out
laughing several times. Afterward Nityananda observed that Baba’s
laugh was the best part of the interview. He said he was very happy
for being here at the ashram and for seeing Baba.
Oh Lord, take care of your child
See that he sees his path straight
As Baba said, Bhakti is crying for God
May your child, Nityananda
Open his heart to your unfathomable love and compassion.
Om Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram
Premananda (John David) was introduced to me by Mansi. After
some discussion about ourselves he asked if he could give me some
interview questions in front of his group and video tape it. He has
done so for teachers and saints here in India, including Swami
Satchidananda and Tuli Baba and for a few Western teachers he found
interesting.
John David is an English-born man who is a disciple of Papaji – a
disciple of Ramana Maharshi. John lived with Papaji for six years
here in India. In recent years, since the passing of his master,
John has spoken across Germany. A year ago they had satsang at a
farm in Germany. A group of 15 decided to start a spiritual colony
there on the farm. John said that there has been local resistance by
the largely Catholic population of the nearby town. They are now
touring across southern India with the majority of time spent in
Tirruvanamalai. The group put on a program for Swami Satchidananda
singing Ram Nam and some other songs in folk-style melodies –
accompanied by a guitar and a muted trumpet. They blended beautiful
voices in a pleasing way that was appreciated by those of both East
and West.
In the evening at 10:00 I was given the questions (between Tuli
Baba and now this, Ram has been giving me tests; He alone knows what
the passing grades are!) The first question was regarding Ramana
Maharshi's teachings regarding the Self: What is my experience of
the Self? My mouth was mute at the question; my Soul expanded, Light
was everywhere in the room as I gazed at Premananda (John David). At
last he said, "No words?" No, there are no words for such a
question; only wordless Being.
The questions continued for an hour or so. The next day most all
the group individually made comments to me on how much they enjoyed
the satsang, how moved they were, etc. Some did not speak English
much at all (there was no translator) but haltingly commented on
what a beautiful feeling there was in the room.
Oh my Divine Mother
You have asked
me to teach
As seva (service) to you
Whatever good is done
Whatever Light is shared
Whatever love is awakened
Is a result of your Grace
May this instrument
Be ever responsive to your promptings
May your Grace
Ever shine through this work
January 18
Last evening Carla was very sick to her stomach and was dizzy, even
while lying down. I tended her through the evening, except for the
interview time. Today I spent most of the day with her as well. I
was also on the front porch with Jenrri – who is constantly
inventive and creative. One moment he was making colors from
pounding brick and clay into powder, then mixing with water, next he
is carving a stick, carving a stone with an “Om” symbol, learning
Hindi script and pronunciation from a teacher here, then he is down
to the mandir with his dad to chant. He embraces everything with a
wonderful attitude and full of interest.
I was seeking out Shenoy for getting a CD of Papa’s world tour
when Mansi took me in to see Swamiji; he was having a satsang time.
I sat on the floor, but a chair was produced and placed next to
Swamiji and I was told to sit in the chair. For some reason, this
preferential treatment has occurred all over the place. The same
meals that are sent to Swamiji's room in the evening are now sent to
our room. So many courtesies are paid to us; the love and service
shown are truly humbling. Different people come during the day and
night, pronaming at the feet, asking for teachings, some I have
never seen before. It is humbling to the extreme.
This evening a Hindu couple came to the room. She is Kriyaban
from YSS; he is a student also. They have been reading The Cross
and The Lotus Journal. They could not remember the name of
the Swami who initiated her, but she has practiced Kriya for two
years. She wanted some help with her breathing, it seems it is too
shallow. Since it is a more general question about breathing I
agreed to help her in the next few days; they live here in the
ashram now.
During late afternoon Swamiji asked me to say some words to all
the devotees; seated on mats under the Peepul tree. I described
Peter Schultz coming last year – expecting to meet, in Swamiji, an
"older man". Instead, when he met Swamiji it was like a bomb going
off, a spiritual explosion! The value of being with saints, such as
Swami Satchidananda and Tuli Baba (who was seated on the other side
of Swamiji) is inestimable. When I am in the U.S.A. I tell people of
Papa's motto "universal love and service;" and nowhere have I seen
such great examples of universal love and service than right here at
the ashram.
When we are given so much here, then there is absolutely no
excuse for not making spiritual effort and progress, right now! Such
a gift brings a responsibility with it, what do we do with the gift
we are given here by being with such a great spiritual Master and so
many saints? We have no excuses for not making spiritual progress!
After saying some words Swamiji asked me to continue, but strange
to say I did not have anymore words. So he produced a book of
Stories by Swami Ramdas. He asked me to read several chapters of the
book out loud. What a feeling of gratitude to Swamiji to do some
small bit of service to him. My heart melts in gratitude.
January 19
Carla’s malady continues. Her stomach is better, although she has
eaten little, a couple of iddlies and chapattis. If it continues
tomorrow I will get a doctor.
Yesterday as we sat with Swamiji, Nityananda asked Swamiji, out
of the blue, if “David should go with me to my guru.” Swamiji said,
“Yes”. So, I was committed. At eleven we left by three-wheeler,
Margarete, two Indian ladies and a gentleman. Five years ago I
visited Swamiji Sadananda Padigar at Nityanananda’s request, when
Nityananda was still chained to the wall. I had liked him then very
much. We entered the ashram grounds through an ornate gate and I
felt the peace of the place. Everything in the garden is beautifully
arranged, the house has a large porch area where the elderly Swami
sits in a cushioned wooden chair.
The Swami has close cut hair that shows silver, a two-week beard
(Swamis often shave their head and beard on the lunar cycle and
leave it to grow between shavings), he has an ocher shift on, one
eye appears closed, the other peers through thick glasses. He
welcomes us and immediately launches into talking about surrender to
the guru, love for the guru, etc. His guru was Nityananda, an
avadhoot (someone who wanders, does not teach, often times they are
naked or only a loin cloth, stands in odd places like a tree etc). I
ask the swami for his story of meeting his great guru. “I met my
guru,” our interpreter conveys, “when I was 14 years old. I stayed
with him for many years. He told me I would have to leave. When he
left his body, I eventually arrived here.” These simple annals were
all he would say. The mothers who came with us were deeply moved by
some things the swami said, tears in their eyes. Nityananda (the
devotee) told me that his guru’s love had been steady all the years
he had known him, even though he had verbally abused his guru many
times.
We took some photos, as I sat with Swami Sadananda he said, “you
will be great, you will have bliss.” Bliss is there now; the other I
don’t know what that could mean.
We pronamed to the swami, each having enjoyed the visit very
much.
Nityananda stayed on with his guru but arrived at my door later in
the afternoon. He had some questions. “I have difficulty with sexual
energy. When I was chained to my room my brother bought a T.V. for
me. I watched an American show about a beach. The girl was mostly
nude, showing her breasts. I imagined her; this became an obsession.
Still at nights I have problems with this; what can I do?”
I suggested a visualization wherein he mentally sees a “trap
door” two inches above the base of the spine. When the door is
closed, the prana (life-force) is fed into the body’s sexual nerves.
“Imagine the trap door springing open and the energy flowing up the
spine; to the heart center, ajna or crown chakra. The mind directs
the prana and you can change the sex habit into a transmutation
habit. One thing, you must feel the release of energy going up the
spine.”
Another question: “Sometimes I get so angry, someone says something
to me and I am so angry, what do I do?”
“Feel that your guru is standing with you, feel his hand on your
shoulder (as I saw his guru had touched him), feel that he is loving
you, even as the other fellow is abusing you. If you forget and get
angry, as soon as you remember, then feel your guru with you, and
the anger will soon be gone.”
Nityananda said, “I have my guru, but I feel you are my
guru-friend.” I have been given overwhelming love for Nityananda,
and now to see him smiling, laughing, excited (after having seen him
chained to a wall), it has been very touching.
Oh Lord, may your
child, Nityananda,
Come to realize your eternal Presence
As love, bliss and light.
Watch over him, as I know you do.
Om Tat Sat
I then offered Nityananda some advice. “Do not stand too close to
others, and soften your energy, you are very intense, soften your
energy.” He is very bright and understands all of what I said.
“Being so anxious to get love,” I said, “you end up pushing others
away. Back up a little, leave a little space, and you will get more
of what you need and want.”
Later that evening I sat in meditation in Papa’s room. In what a
way Papa filled me!
Papa, you are the
all-pervading presence
Like a doorway
You Swing wide open to unending peace and joy
Hari Om, my beloved Papa
January 20
Carla is a little better this
morning, however I thought if she were not recovered this morning I
would call a doctor. Dr. Vimala, who had come for my darshan and to
ask clarifying questions, came to treat Carla. She, herself, had
suffered from giddiness (dizziness). She tried three kinds of
allopathic medicines to no avail. A homoeopathic doctor here
prescribed “Actea Racemose” at a high dose and it removed her
symptoms. She had the medicines delivered in a short time (she would
not accept any payment for her services or for the medicines). Carla
had immediate improvement upon taking the dose.
Many individuals have been seeking me out for spiritual counsel
and darshan day and night. This journey to India has been one of
recognition of spiritual attainment and placing me in the role here
of teacher (acharya) and a source of blessings. Throughout the day
there are those who kneel or lay in full prostration at my feet. It
is the case that God on the outside is confirming what God on the
inside has told me. Inwardly I feel completely still. This evening
Greg told us that Margarete had said, “Swamiji has retired, but he
asked after David and he told me to tell David. Will you tell David
for me?” I had been sitting with the ailing Carla, but I immediately
went to see Swamiji, but all the doors were shut. Others told me as
well that Swamiji had asked for a chair to be put out next to his
and that is when he asked after me; he was told I was taking care of
Carla.
Swamiji has shown me the utmost love and honor since our arrival;
the ashram staff has treated us like royalty. What beauty resides
behind every action – one can only be the witness to all of this,
and be in wonder!
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