Picture: Ralph-Papa-Mataji-Mother-Anandashram 1957
One of the great events in life is to be married. However, while the marriage ceremony is not the very start of a relationship—it really is the beginning of a new life together. As a minister I have the privilege to perform marriage ceremonies, and each joining of a couple brings a special grace that occurs when vows are exchanged. This ceremony is the cradle from which a new-born relationship can evolve—given the right attitudes by the couple.
Standing in front of the couple a spiritual power transmits itself, and according to the receptivity of each one the seed is sown. However, the seed must have good ground to land upon in order for it to bear its ultimate fruit. And what are the ingredients of that good ground?
Commitment to the ideals of marriage must be the first component in forming a truly successful union. Without commitment there can be nothing lasting in marriage. The next element must be respect. Unless one shows self-respect and respect for one’s spouse the ground will be spoiled and become inhospitable to growth.
With commitment and respect the third act must be kindness. Kindness is expressed in thought, word and deed, and without it the land becomes barren. By tilling the soil with these three essentials love grows. Love is more than chemistry of animal attraction or need. Love is the blossoming of the heart that grows and grows, making the soul open to the higher qualities of life.
And finally, the fifth element to a truly great marriage is found in Spirit. With the focus on God in the beginning, middle and end a marriage rises above simple human fulfillment and becomes something far more. There is a blissful merging of two souls in Spirit; two souls in an ocean of Light. Then, the sense of being two separate identities merges in true union found in God-experience.
In the Gospel of Swami Ramdas (October 16, 1957), Mother and her husband Ralph described to Papa what happened when they talked about God with each other. Ralph: “We spend hours together talking about God and losing all count of time.” Mother: “We used to talk about God and sometimes we were so much absorbed in Him that our physical bodies would disappear, as it were, and there would be only waves and waves of light between us. This happened many times.”
It all starts with how we treat each other day to day. Each soul chooses to incorporate these five elements and makes them part and parcel in how he or she thinks, speaks and acts in marriage. Self-respect means you act in a way—that in the end—you will be pleased with and know you have been your best. When you have a spouse who does the same there are truly no limits to the heights to which two people can rise.
In marriage you seek to enact Jesus’ great saying, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Luke 6:38) This does not mean that everything you do you will see like-compensation in every moment. Rather, you build a habit of giving goodness, and it will surely return to you, just as surely as the sun rises in the morning. But, most of all, in marriage you give the best of who you are because it brings out the best in you; it is how God-consciousness is made manifest in this world and it is what brings you true and lasting happiness.