Picture: Our first trail taken in Yellowstone we were greeted by this large bald eagle–the first of many wonders on our first safari-drive.
On this Autumnal Equinox I am put into a reflective mood. It was a year ago that we set out on a pilgrimage around North America to discover Nature’s Cathedrals as well as historical sites; any and all places, persons and situations that God arranged for us. I definitely felt that change was in the air, that the way I serve God was going to be different. I did not know all the ways in which this would occur, only that it would not be the same. Flash-forward one year and it has been quite a time!
One of the great mysteries and wonders in my life in God has been the different states He has expressed Himself as in this form since the first eruption of the kundalini force forty years ago. The questions can come, is it physical, astral or causal activity, or all three? For instance, tremendous heat and powerful forces in this body are a daily occurrences. At times it can be felt hot on the skin, my face is flush, and at other times there are absolutely no physical symptoms at all.
I had weakness of body the end of the summer before leaving for pilgrimage a year ago, nothing new there as God moving through this form with tremendous power can withdraw all physical energy, leaving only enough to keep the body functioning on the most basic level.
Once, for several months during the bombing and invasion of Iraq God had me in such an intense experience that I could not move from one room to another. When Carla came into the room I was in she said it smelled of burning flesh. This experience God was giving me was connected to events happening halfway around the world, the suffering in this body was tremendous. God’s mysterious ways of working through this vehicle!
However, a year ago it became clear that the weakness I had at the time was physical rather than spiritual. When there was no abatement of the weakness I consulted allopathic doctors; the first time in many years that I was to encounter these creatures. It took time and hit and miss diagnosis, but finally the cause was found, tumors growing on the small intestines that was causing internal bleeding; the weakness was from anemia. The doctor said the anemia was such that he was surprised that I could walk into the hospital. Thus the pilgrimage took an unexpected turn.
Two major operations later and I am currently tumor free and feel in the pink of health. Doctors fully expect recurrence of tumors, but I know that God alone is in complete charge. I do not feel any fear about this; I am fully surrendered to His will. One of the changes that occurs in surrendering one’s life to God is that fear abates and trust ensues. What does God want for this form? He knows my own preference is to serve Him in a healthy body, however, I also know that He works through various ways in order to achieve His purpose. I do all that I can to achieve perfect health; and indeed in all other ways I have been in perfect health which has greatly aided my recovery.
This morning, His power took me up completely in His blissful, all-powerful Being; this after a couple of long travel days. And now we are poised at the West Entrance of Yellowstone National Park, which we plan to explore and find His natural wonders on parade. Yellowstone, a vast caldera where superheated magma boils underground water making for roiling colorful paint pots and shooting geysers, is a unique place in the world. Also Mother Nature finds expression here in bears, the ungainly looking moose, buffalo (now the official National Mammal), and other wonders to which we plan to have darshan.
September has always been a time of change for me, and this year is no different. This continuation of the pilgrimage, earlier going to Glacier, and now the Black Hills and Yellowstone is just one item of change. Where else will God take me? Not knowing is part of the great adventure. There was a time when God was giving me spontaneous miraculous powers, to know things in advance and manifest what came to mind, but conscious of Krishna’s warning that a yogi has nothing to do with such powers I told Him to take these things away, I only wanted Him. Truth be told, I love having things unfold and not knowing in advance (true there are times He tells me what will happen beforehand, but it is not the usual), for I trust Him with all my heart and I have no need but what He chooses to give me at any particular moment.
An interesting sidelight, He has prompted me to purchase some beautiful things, a home that is magnificent, a motorhome that we love, and He has given us so many other things besides. It is not without irony or humor that having given everything up, from the time of entering into Cloud Mountain for a year of silence and solitude, that He has given me so much. Donations support the spiritual work, but after some legacies came to us, and tithing the first ten percent to God, He has directed us to receive these wondrous things.
But here is the thing that God recently told me, that the home we have and all the other things He has arranged for have been my form of Lahiri Mahasaya’s castle. I have felt a deep satisfaction in experiencing the quality/vibration of these things. I truly feel that if He took them away today I would not skip a beat. I would only be interested in all the ways He would manifest what is needed daily–as He does today and every day.
The way He takes care of us is truly so loving. Yesterday we arrived at the West Entrance, beforehand we could find no place in the park to make a reservation for a campsite; all were full! When we arrived we found a campsite and started to back in when a park ranger informed us that a party had reserved the site but neglected to put up their sign. Then she asked if we wanted a site with an electrical hookup, I said that would be preferable and she rushed over in her golf cart to secure the only such site in the park! Ram looking after us so lovingly.
I know that many have found hope in the beauty by what has been created in my life. Also, it is affirming that there is a balance in the spiritual life, that realization does not demand taking up residence in a cave, but can be incorporated into modern living. When God prompted me to marry Carla I needed to test that new direction in life until I was thoroughly satisfied, down to the cellular level, that this was His will. My last big question mark was connected with Master, who held out the high value in living a monk’s life. I inwardly petitioned him to confirm this inner prompting to marry, willing to give up the idea if it did not conform with his direction. In a very profound experience he told me, unambiguously, that it was his will that I marry. That his mission required him to live a monk’s life, but he wanted all to know that the spirit of Lahiri Mahasaya’s life is upheld–so that all should know that being married and living a householder’s life is not a bar to the highest realization.
So this life God has given me is that demonstration, and to be in this world but not of the world is something that is in reach and can be achieved. That we live in this world knowing that whatever we have been given to be stewards over in this life will most certainly be left behind–we leave naked even as we came into life, only taking our self-created consciousness with us. A freed consciousness is forever free! A bound consciousness through attachment will continue his or her journey until, at long last, it reaches the same ultimate freedom.
These are my reflections on this Fall Equinox day. Perhaps for you as well it is a time of new beginnings. I deeply pray that as you begin anew, as in truth we do each and every moment of every day, you establish yourself in the freedom that is unshakable, that is with you no matter your circumstance in life–true, spiritual freedom, now and always.