Picture: Behold, I stand at the door and knock
I came into this life giving others a great deal of power over me. What someone else thought or said would have great power, more power than what I thought. This can be termed being shy, having low self-esteem, or a lack of confidence, etc. It is a terrible way to live.
There was a time when I was in a mediation partnership, we taught a roomful of lawyers and social worker-types the skills of mediation. At the end of the five day course we asked for written feedback. 99% of the feedback was incredibly positive, such as “One of best things I have ever done, life changing,” etc. Once in a while someone would say, “Not really what I was looking for.” Somehow this one feedback carried all the weight, wiping out all the good comments. I knew my reaction was way out of proportion, but there it was.
In my training in behavioral sciences there was a phrase that stuck with me, “feedback is information, not definition.” Being open to feedback was an important part of my Master’s degree program. At first I went easy on others in the class, hoping they would do the same for me. When the feedback I got was honest, sometimes blunt, I thought, “Ok, kid gloves are off, this is what I really think.” I strove to make the feedback clean and clear, not filled with anger or hurt or prejudice, but accurate and useful that did not hold back.
What a refreshing breath of fresh air! How rarely we get clean and clear feedback in this world. Either others do not say what they really think, feel and want, or it is so filled with some personal attack that it is really more about the other person than us. Why is it so hard for us to be simply truthful, and why is it so hard for us to receive what someone else thinks, feels or wants?
It really comes down to having confidence in what “I think, feel and want.” When I have faith and confidence in my own judgements, then what others think will not be swallowed whole, rather I will listen openly to what another thinks, and measure it by what I know to be true. I use my reason and my intuition to sense the truth. What is it I have faith and confidence in? Not that I am perfect, rather I have faith and confidence in the fact that I am a good person, well intentioned, and that if somehow I have a mistaken idea, my sincerity will get me back on track with truth.
Truth then becomes the transcendent factor that rises above personalities. To stand in the way of truth by being overly self-conscious means that ego triumphs. Truth may come from any source: a child, an elderly person, a stranger, madman or a belligerent. To recognize truth requires you to have a calm, clear mind focused on knowing the truth when you see, hear or feel it.
Your spiritual practice of being centered in the Self and attuned to truth will greatly enable you to put truth over personality; you transcend ego. Put truth first, and the truth will make you free.