I have been thrice blessed—a recipient of extraordinary grace by the universal Divine Mother coming to me in human form. The first came as my physical mother who suffered through my birth into this world. As I was breeched when still in the womb, she had tears that needed sutures afterwards and then bed rest. After that she gave me a lifetime of unconditional love made manifest through loving, caring acts; anything in her capacity to give, she gave to me. She always held out the best in me even when I did not do so for myself.

I took a class while pursuing my degree in psychology—interpreting freehand family drawings. As students we presented sketches we made of our family of origin and the professor helped to bring out the deeper meaning from the drawings. I had pictured my mother sitting in a blue chair with a high back. The professor asked me questions about elements regarding the picture, then he came to my mother and the chair. He said, “the blue back of the chair surrounds your mother’s head suggests a halo. Do you think of your mother as a saint?” Knowing he had a Freudian point of view I knew I was skating on thin ice. My courage rose to the occasion, I said, “Yes, I do.” Surprisingly, he said, “That’s good, I think of my mother in the same way.” Whew!

For the ultimate spiritual journey I was destined for, my mother could not help me. To give me a spiritual birth required someone with unique qualifications. Mother Hamilton had those qualifications and more. The Divine Mother had descended to earth directly in her form to help devotees ascend to God-realization, and to help the world at large through a difficult transition toward higher spiritual consciousness. She lovingly called me to herself as I entered my twentieth year that I might take a second birth—a spiritual birth.

Mother also saw the best in me, when I did not always hold it for myself. She awakened divinity in me, taught me the truth and was a perfect embodiment for being perfectly human and Divine. She also brought to me a remarkable guru-lineage and the spiritually perfected Swami (Papa) Ramdas. Each one of these supremely realized souls manifested pure divinity with a rich variety of expressions in their humanity. It helped me to know I need not be a carbon copy of any personality. Rather, I came to know that God delights in expressing Himself as unique divine personalities.

Mother left the body before I had completed my full God-realization, so she guided me to the feet of Swami Satchidananda—Papa’s spiritual child. Interestingly I came to think of Swamiji as my second spiritual mother. It was through the power of God in Mother and in Swamiji that I was lifted into the spiritual union that, for so many years, I had yearned. Through Swamiji’s quiet ways I was given yet another example of how God is uniquely expressed through a human personality. When Swamiji smiled, it was the Divine Mother who smiled through him.

From the beginning, I did not think of God as a personality. It has often been the case that devotees have had to transcend limiting conceptions they have of God in order to enter the transcendent, formless Consciousness. In my case I learned to appreciate that the Infinite takes joy in His individual expressions; I perceived the One wearing different masks and came to appreciate those unique manifestations as being Divine. It is the Divine Mother, who has manifested as this entire universe—a loving, compassionate, exacting Mother who seeks to awaken us to the fact that it is She behind the mask of humanity—nay behind all creation, if we only have the wit to lift the veil and know Her in truth and reality.

Mother’s Day is a day of recognition of how Divine Mother manifests as our own mothers and has taken direct human incarnation through our own Mother Hamilton. So happy Mother’ Day to all mothers—both human and Divine.

 

Will Power is a fundamental part of our individuality. It can be used for noble, constructive purposes or it can equally be used to degrade life and be so weakened that we feel that we have lost ourselves. Even when we feel helpless in life against bad habits that work against us, we are actually using great amount of will power—only in the negative.

Take someone, for instance, who has a drug addiction. That one may feel helplessly caught in the addiction, however when it comes to feeding the habit there is no end to the creativity and lengths that one will go to find the means for satisfying his craving—that is an example of negative will power in action.

Tap into that same will power and train it to seek out good and positive ends, and what had seemed to be helplessness turns into empowerment. You can visualize your Self as the highest and best core part of you, who operates through your ego-self who in turn exercises will power through the mind and body. A spiritually tuned will is sensitively aligned to the Self, or God’s will. The Self always takes action for the highest good of everyone concerned and leads the soul to ultimate spiritual freedom.

The opposite of surrender to Divine Will is a mind driven by the dictates of the body, as well as people and circumstances around you. The little self feels it does not have a choice in life when faced with the demands by the body and from social pressure. Once again, when properly analyzed, great will power is being employed by the self to meet the cravings of the body and the expectations from others, only it chooses to please others at the sacrifice of the self. You feel caught in a world of no choices, only you will go to great lengths to do this, using a very strong will to so. Let us take another example, you have a fear of heights and you approach a cliff. Your reaction to falling will be swift and powerful to avoid the edge of the cliff—a remarkable use of will in the moment.

Recognizing how powerful your will is—even when used for ends that do not serve you well—can be the beginning of “owning” your will. Then it is a matter of going to the roots of your will power and learning to direct it to positive ends.

I have had great opportunities to do just that during my recovery. What before operated automatically through the left side of my body as muscle memory, had to be learned all over again. The power to walk entails so much communication between the brain and the body—millions of calculations going on throughout this process. It something that we can take for granted when it is a well-worn pathway in the brain, nervous system and muscular system. Take those pathways away and now we are a toddler taking uncertain steps in a brand-new world.

Relearning to walk means every step is done mindfully and with great intention—the power of will consciously used. Fortunately, as an adult I have awareness that transcends that of the toddler. I use the imaging power of my brain to mentally see myself taking steps smoothly, with strength and confidence, all the while remaining mindfully aware of staying safe. Mentally, I connect these actions coming from my core self, which in turn flows from my deeper Self—thus, even ordinary action becomes an expression of Divine Will. This inner attunement to spiritual grace greatly speeds up healing.

When I stand, I feel the movement of life-force flowing from behind me from an unlimited Source that enters the body through the back of my head and along my spine. This connection keeps me linked to the source of my strength and when the body is exhausted from the effort, I keep that openness to the infinite supply of Spirit. I also affirm that I am made in the likeness and image of perfect Divine Consciousness, and that all things are possible and doable through Grace. Individual will attuned to Divine Will makes for our greatest advancement physically, mentally and spiritually.

Health Update: My brain continues to heal. I am sometimes surprised how everyday activities can tire the body and then the amount of rest it asks for afterwards. Everyday there continues to be new “firsts.” I take several trips a day the length of the house walking with the quad cane with Carla spotting me every step of the way, and have even taken forays without using a cane at all. My left leg and arm continue to build strength and stamina—taking simple steps has never felt so good. Nerve pain caused by the brain sending signals through the wrong nerve pathways is slowly decreasing. So, there is much to be grateful for and as always you, as members of Team Total Recovery, are at the top of my gratitude list.

 

 

 

For the past 45 years, I have had a constant companion, a little book with a poetic rendition of the Bhagavad Gita printed in 1904, the same translation that Master and Papa carried with them (by Sir Edwin Arnold). It has been a source of inspiration and insight that has remained fresh and alive through the years. Some others have told me its poetic translation makes it difficult to penetrate, but I have always found it a reflection of the Gita’s Sanskrit that makes it a “Song Celestial.”

In the fifth chapter of the Gita Arjuna wants clarification from Krishna. At one point Krishna has said to sit in meditation and go beyond creation as a focus for sadhana, and at other times he says to be active in the world and perform actions without attachment to the results—selfless service. Should we renounce the world and sit in meditation only or fulfill our duty with right attitude?

Arjuna.

Yet, Krishna! at the one time thou dost laud

Surcease of works, and, at another time,

Service through work. Of these twain plainly tell

Which is the better way?

Krishna.

To cease from works

Is well, and to do works in holiness

Is well; and both conduct to bliss supreme;

But of these twain the better way is his

Who working piously refraineth not.

That is the true Renouncer, firm and fixed,

Who — seeking nought, rejecting nought — dwells proof

Against the “opposites.” O valiant Prince!

In doing, such breaks lightly from all deed:

‘Tis the new scholar talks as they were two,

This Sankhya and this (Karma) Yoga: wise men know

Who husbands one plucks golden fruit of both!

….Whoso is fixed in holiness, self-ruled,

Pure-hearted, lord of senses and of self,

Lost in the common life of all which lives –

A “Yogayukt” — he is a Saint who wends

Straightway to Brahm. Such an one is not touched

By taint of deeds. “Nought of myself I do!”

Thus will he think-who holds the truth of truths.

There are few who can retire from the activities of life  full time and exclusively merge into God. Better to lead a life of balance, fulfill your duties in life and purify your body and mind by being “in the world, not of the world.” Time in meditation anchors us to the true Self and then to go out into this world and do all as His faithful servant. With such a right attitude you merge and become one with highest consciousness, seeing God as the sole doer.

 

 

 

Yoga, as we know, is far more than a system of physical exercises, but a complete set of methods that seeks to give the ideal physical, mental and spiritual health. Through Kriya Yoga we are given the highest teachings to attain awakened spiritual enlightenment by developing the higher centers of consciousness in the spine and the brain. Yoga is a practical philosophy with measurable goals to be attained in physical health and enlightenment.

Applying these methods during my time in rehab has made it possible for me to make progress that astonished the various therapists working with me. Here are some of the methods and results:

Meditation—Of course meditation is at the core of our spiritual practice. While there are many benefits to this practice, its ultimate goal of being established in the Self has been of enormous value. The Self remains unmoved in a world of constant change. This un-movability keeps the changeable/reactive self rooted in the immutable core of Being. As a result there is not wasted energy in fear and uncertainty. Rather the mind is focused on what needs to happen now—this is of great benefit in rehab as total focus of the mind is needed for even the simplest of actions.

Faith and Devotion—A feeling of love and devotion for God gives one a sense of connectedness and removes the feeling of isolation that can come with circumstances in which one feels a lack of control. Feeling that God and Gurus are with you each step of the way brings strength and a knowledge that all is going according to the Divine Plan. The hand of God is ever with you in the most loving way. When pain comes it is turned over to God and you are given the ability to endure it or rise above it. Your best Friend is always with you, and this is a wonderful comfort.

Gratitude—Through a long history of being conscious for that which makes you grateful to your Creator, you are aware of more than the challenges you face and see unnumbered things to be grateful for. This is no small thing when healing from an injury.

Energization Exercises—Master gave us a gift through his Energization Exercises. As I lay in bed in the early morning hours I practiced tensing and releasing and feeling the life-force flowing into body parts. Even those parts in my leg and arm that did not respond to physical tensing, I have no doubt were being awakened by the mental focus of guiding energy to those muscle groups. As they woke up, the tensing started with minute movement, and it has grown stronger and is done with more control.

Alternate Nose Breathing—Erin lovingly sent me information on the benefits of  alternate nose breathing—They have done studies for stroke patients in rehab and it has been proven to speed up the recovery time. Early morning hours have been set aside for this practice, as well as sporadic times during the day. This practice has a calming effect along with improved focus for the mind.

Discernment—With Spiritual attunement comes discernment for what is true. On different occasions nurses gave me their own ideas as facts, that were untrue. The first occasion the nurse said in conversation, that of course I had a stroke, as I was older. Just like a car wears out and needs a new transmission, or other repairs, we will get sick and wear out with age, then she walked out of the room. Later when she returned I said that I had thought about what she said. I said, “Our bodies are different than machines. A car cannot repair itself, and even in this moment my body is doing just that in a miraculous way. Our bodies are working miracles and that right nutrition, right thinking and God can heal what ails the body. She agreed and in a short time she changed from someone who looked to be carrying the world on her shoulders, and she was smiling, laughing, and took wonderful care of me—in the end as I was leaving she gave me a big hug and said how sorry she was that I was leaving.

In another case a nurse who had taken good care of me, said it was only a matter of time before I had another stroke. I said, “I don’t agree. I will follow the doctor’s instructions,” which was what she wanted to scare me into, “I understand there are statistics, but I am not a statistic and that God’s will reigns supreme, and if He wills it I will recover my full health.”

Such messages received by a weakened mind can be receptive soil and give birth to self-fulfilling prophesies. I utterly rejected them then, and I still do. We must be careful that our thoughts and words comport with highest truth to promote the greatest good.

Prana Life-Force—Life-force or Prana is the underlying cause of healing working through the cells and our intelligence. It also gives us the power of movement. There were many times a day that I focused my mind at the back of my head and along my spine to move this body when I was standing, walking and moving my arm and I felt the difference.

Clearing/Charging Breath—Many of you who have taken the class will know the Clearing/Charging Breath which I have freely employed throughout my rehab time and has proven to be extremely useful for pain relief, and I plan to use more of the Charging Breath going into the future for strengthening different body parts.

Chanting—Chanting is unparalleled for keeping the mind on God and feeling His Bliss.

Spiritual Family and Kindred Spirits—The great good that has come from this time is the love and support I have received from our spiritual family and kindred spirits around the world. I have felt the power of prayer and received cards and email that reflect the Godhood in devotees in ways I have not seen manifest before. I do believe there is a swell of spiritual consciousness that is lifting us higher, and for that I have tremendous gratitude.

Gratitude for All That I have been Given—The value of these yoga methods cannot be overstated, and I am filled with gratitude for God and Gurus and His Saints through whom His Grace flows. Every day Carla and I visited St. Francis statue in the Healing Garden, we pronamed to him and asked his blessing for all the patients in the hospital and all the care givers as well. What Grace has poured on this head and blessed me in untold ways.

 

People leading a materialistic life can find happiness, lead a moral and ennobling life—so why bother to have a spiritual discipline? For many of us, there is simply no other choice that satisfies our inner need for Divine union. Also, there are many practical reasons that only a spiritual life can satisfy. True spiritual experience brings unsurpassed peace, inner assurance, expanding bliss, a knowledge of who and what you truly are, an intuitive understanding and realization that only comes with upliftment in consciousness. Truly, there is no greater life that can be had.

It is definitely not the easiest journey to take, there are no others that challenge you to the core to the same degree, also there will not be any that can lift you so high. Once you have had an experience in transcendent consciousness you will feel that before you were sleep walking in life. It is as if the scales fall from your eyes, and you see inner and outer reality in a brand-new way. There are many who appreciate the beauty of a flower, but with what eyes of realization did Jesus see these flowers when he made the statement:

(Matthew 6) 28 Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

²⁹ And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

Once I was walking through the woods when I was suddenly lifted into the Causal plane. The rocks, trees and path were the same but I saw them as expressions of subtle, beautiful ideas, my own body was also made up of the same Causal realm; far more beautiful and of greater dimensions than the Astral realm. I understood that before material expression everything exists as an idea of the Creator. That idea form is far more than imagination and has a reality much greater than this material form. It seems impossible to convey in words this majestic, super-natural realm.

Oftentimes we can think the Astral and Causal Realms are distant places, far removed from this material plane. However spiritual experiences have taught me these realities are all around us, the substrata of all we see in the material world. We truly live in a magnificent creation and we only scratch the surface of what is all around us.

I sit here, surrounded in Aum vibration resounding within and without, life-force twinkles in walls, floor and in every material thing, the Divine Presence is blissfully thick in the air; only a spiritual awakening can open the doors to such realities. This is not my province only, but the inborn nature of us all. Let us not live on the surface of life only, but dive deep into the Reality that Divine union alone can bring us.

Health Update: Spiritual perception is not dependent upon a perfect body, and this body suffered a temporary setback after the trip back to the northwest. I am gradually recovering from that, gaining use and strength in my left leg, my left arm fared better and I continue touch-type all of these postings (I have typed all but the first posting after my stroke), and some of my mental executive functions have been affected and are gradually returning.

This explanation comes from our in-house medical expert on returning to home and the challenges and opportunities this brings, Ruth writes:

1. We spoke of on-days and recup-days. On days that include a rehab schedule and recup-days that are absolutely off. No subconscious guilt here.This is important as the push David has been under, rightly so, with rehab experts, was possibly too much for his sympathetic nervous system at the time but necessary.
   Now he needs rest and recuperation time so maybe for a few weeks more recup-days. He will know as will you.

   This is being kind to the parasympathetic nervous system. It most likely has been stretched and needs recalibration to a better norm. It is the repair and heal system.

   When the Autonomic Nervous system (SNS and PSNS) balance, the primitive brain will downgrade alert. Then there will be more natural energy for progress versus mind based mental push energy needed up until now. But in the long run it can bring exhaustion.

2. The world outside the hospital is different as David noted. A very different environment. So now to bring a sensible and patient and balanced rehabilitation to the home. It must be different as it is- 2 different worlds. Plus the body needs to integrate. This can bring a 2 step forward 1 step back experience. This is normal.Honour the cells, with each shift 1000s of cells must change and 100s of 1000s of nervous system recoding, DNA messages and gene changes. A stressed and tired body does not always send information in the correct order, or can take detours. Persistence of course with mountains of Hope and sincere Intention always win to the maximum. However please let wise patience be your friend.

Mountains of hope/faith and sincere intention are absolutely intact; along with your healing thoughts and prayers. Failure is not an option for Team Total Recovery. Thanks for being on the team. Jai Gurus!

 

A little over a month since I started intensive rehab, and now we are getting on a plane and flying back to the Northwest, back to Camano Island. Jerry drove us to the airport and wheelchair transportation was arranged for in advance from the curb to the plane seat. The entire flight went as smoothly as we could hope.

Before leaving the hospital, I met with Dr. K., the “physical doctor” who has monitored my progress during rehab. She said, “We don’t want to see you go, you have been our “superstar.” My physical, occupational and speech therapists echoed the same sentiments. Earlier, when I said that I will lift my foot to the wheelchair foot-support, something I had not yet managed, my occupational therapist said, “I have no doubt that in a couple of days you will. I have never seen anyone like you. You say you will do something, and two days later you do it. You have such a strong will.” I feel these comments are reflections on my Guru, who demonstrated such a strong will and set the pattern for me to emulate.

It has been interesting being out of the hospital after such a lengthy stay—being in traffic, activity at the airport—it all has given a shock to my healing brain. Even though everything went so smoothly, I found I could not move my left leg by the end of the flight, in fact the last hour of the flight was excruciating. I played Papa’s Ram Nam on my phone and he made it possible to endure it.

In the contained environment of the rehab center my brain had made new connections and advanced; out in the world my brain struggles to absorb it all—I was also fighting off the first signs of a cold. Many of the advancements I had made have been temporarily lost. Yesterday I slept through much of the day, and today I am making slow progress to being back to myself, with windows of time with greater control over my body movements, less pain and clearer thinking—I am also overcoming the cold– it never got a grip on me. This trip has had a greater shock to my system than I had anticipated.

The other factor I find interesting is that while in rehab, inner experiences ebbed allowing for full concentration on healing the body. As soon as I came into the house I heard and felt the powerful Aum and I entered into an interior state of being. God’s Presence has been manifest in both the rehab and the house in their unique ways, but a definite shift to interior consciousness has come since arriving home. This is God’s inscrutable play and He is in charge of it all and works for the highest good in all He does.

I arrived home to a bountiful display of nature’s colors—so many vases full of flowers. There was also a refrigerator/freezer full of food made with such love, and modifications for the house—a ramp and handrails thanks to Greg and Jill, a yard looking perfect thanks to Rebecca, get well cards and loving acts of service by so many helping, loving hands, all done in seva to God—my heart overflows with gratitude. We will continue to monitor how the brain heals and recovers from the stroke and the trip home. Right now, this brain and body needs to rest in Him and be surcharged with His sacred life-force.

“May Christ be risen in you today, is an ancient orthodox Christian greeting on Easter morning,” John Durkin wrote to me in an email; he sent those greetings on to me and, in turn, I send them on to you. I thought it such a beautiful blessing, and contains in it the implicit message that the Christ story is every man’s hidden potential—the Christ Principle is part and parcel of the human being’s makeup.

How remarkable when the life and teachings of Jesus the Christ jumps off the pages from ancient texts and awakens a sleeping God-hood within. Mother Hamilton did that for me—she made the Christ live in me and showed me the way to realize our one Father-God. The power of God in her helped awaken the sleeping God in me, and for that she has my eternal gratitude.

Mother took me on such a tremendous journey, physically demanding, mentally exacting, emotionally expanding—in short it tested me in every possible way and in more ways than I could have ever anticipated. From the Mystical Crucifixion of the physical, energetic and mental, each stage carried with it, its own tests and its upliftment. Surely there is no greater challenge and no comparable reward.

Jesus came in a line of perfect incarnations that our Heavenly Father has sent to us to show us the way back to him. We error when we make a god of one of his incarnations and neglect the primary message that the same God is in us as in him. Clarify that message, God and the kingdom of Heaven are to be found within you, and you have unraveled untold misunderstandings. Let us prove to ourselves the truth of these teachings on this Easter Day and every day, by going within and realizing the great Reality waiting to resurrect itself in you. Words do not do it, reading will not get you there. Only by living the life will you come face to face with the living Christ.

 

 

 

It has been wonderful to see this body gradually waking up to its normal functions. Usually, we identify with the body and gauge how we are doing based on that.  Our other point of reference is the mind—am I thinking clearly? Can I solve problems? When God took me through the three mystical crucifixions, He made it perfectly clear that I have a body, but I am not this body, and I have a mind but I am not the mind—the Source of my existence is the eternal Spirit residing within and without.

That knowledge has allowed me to focus on healing this body and not spend time in doubt and worry. It also helps me to live in the moment and not in the future of “What ifs” or a past of “What was,” but to remain in the here and now.

We had a speaker come to a family support group with a remarkable story. Seven years ago, she had a stroke and was in a coma for two and a half months, when she woke up she was blind, had a poor memory, and could not walk. She was in therapy for 18 months and could not be at home on her own for two and a half years. Today she walked into our meeting and you would not suspect anything unusual about her. She spoke eloquently about her experiences. She continues to work to compensate for memory lapses, writing notes to herself and continues to use her shampoo trick even though she does not need it anymore—in the past, she could not remember if she had washed her hair or not, so she pushed the shampoo bottle forward if she had washed her hair and then placed it on the back of the shelf if she had not.

A main point she made was that when the doctor told her she would be in a wheelchair for six more months, she took it as a challenge to do it faster; she was out of her chair in three months. When her daughter-in-law said she could not hold her grandchild until she could prove she could do it safely she went to work strengthening herself until she could. Now she regularly babysits her grandchildren. I thought, “What a wonderful example for living life! To take challenges, not as limitations, but as starting points.” When told that you cannot do a certain thing, take it as a challenge to prove that you can. Such a commitment spurs you to build yourself up, not allow them to create artificial constraints. Another main point she made—do not define yourself by your body or its limitations, who you are is not your body or mind. Today, seven years later she continues to set goals for progress, even though she is no longer in therapy.

We all have obstacles of one kind or another, some of them are obvious to others, and some blend into the background—away from public view. Onetime Mother was riding in a car with a devotee. There were no parking spots except in the one marked for the disabled. Mother said, “you can park there.” The devotee pointed out that it was for disabled people. Mother said, “That’s alright, in the body we are all disabled!” They parked and did not get a ticket. Being with the guru is always an eye-opening experience!

Therapy Update: I am kept busy here with five or six hours of various types of therapies on weekdays for the body and mind (two hours a day on the weekends). Recent progress shows increased cognitive functions, my stamina has steadily grown, the beginning of the activation in my left hip, leg and foot (first comes activation of the muscles, then strengthen the response and then the muscles grow stronger), standing and sitting (with assistance) is smoother and with better balance, I slept through the night for the first time Friday night, periodic nerve pain on my left leg has reduced, and I am also dressing myself with greater self-reliance. Everything I can do for myself I do—when you put the demand on the brain it responds by clearing old pathways or creating new ones. The muscles are intact, what is needed is the brain connection to the body.

With Loving Pronams

Thank you for all the lovely cards, emails and texts, and of course your prayers, all are lovingly received. The staff here have all commented on the rapid recovery they are seeing in this body; That is in no small measure a result of your positive thoughts and prayers. Please receive my loving pronams in return.

 

The value of living a life centered in God is never so evident as when we face life’s greatest challenges. For that is the time when having the strength that God-awareness brings with it, along with knowing His never-failing goodness, love—and the peace that comes with perfect resignation to His will.

The human way is to question why a seemingly untoward thing is happening, fear and anger can run rampant with a consequent feeling of being cut off from God, the Source of all virtue and right action.

God does not pull the rug out from underneath us, so to speak, simply to vex us, nor is it a mechanistic universe that does all without thought or caring. When your eye of intuition is opened to the universal vision and you see a glowing intelligence behind all life and you see demonstrated before you His Grace operating in and around you, you undergo a marvelous transformation in which you are never alone, without direction, or the strength to meet life’s challenges.

So, let us cheerfully meet the world and know God as your sole (Soul) support, comforter, and guide.

Miracle List Update

Today I am typing this using my left hand, this morning I lifted my arm from my left shoulder, my left leg has shown signs of voluntary movement, my left side periphery vision has vastly improved, and sustained concentration is much stronger—these were all affected by the hemorrhage on the right side of my brain—there are too many improvements to list here. This morning, for the first time I could move my leg and actually felt some strength there.

I continue in rehab bootcamp here, where they ask the impossible so that they might get the possible. Ric and Judy are leaving for the “great white north,” as they have maxed out there allowed time for being out of country. They have both been a God-send and done yeoman’s seva, along with Jerry and Lois who will remain here. And, of course Carla, who, after driving here while chasing the helicopter to the ICU, has not left my side, at one point sleeping on the floor, all the while making my life a million, million times easier—she has been a rock. And to you, dear ones, prayer warriors for Team Total Recovery, with too many assists to count—my deepest love and gratitude. Victory to God, Victory to the Light!

 

Beloved Children of the Infinite,

God gave me a very interesting experience the other night. I woke up around 1:30 am in terrific pain—it felt like a nail being driven into the nerve behind my knee. These pains have been coming on my left side as a sign of awakening from paralysis, however this felt more intense and difficult. Normally, when such pains have been coming to me in the night, I consider it a good sign. I have used distilled oil of comfrey that was a gift from Zach and Hailey and in most cases, the pain then goes away. However, in this powerful experience, the pain remained intense–God thought to reveal a great truth in this manner. He guided my thoughts toward the question, “Why is there cruelty in the world?”

So, I asked God, “In creating this universe, why did You allow cruelty to be part of it when it is nothing but a joyful expression of Yourself.” And what He told me, “For every such thing it awakens its opposite.” For cruelty awakens divine compassion not always in a moment or a day, and as divine compassion spreads over this world, cruelty will be cancelled out. If man had not erred by going against God’s harmony in the first place, there would be no such need for a counterbalancing law.

So, when you see discord and inharmony in this world, even cruelty, let it awaken compassionate love in you and then be even more determined to be a bearer of Light and Love. As each of us do this it will gain a collective strength and one day will result in cruelty being something only known in the history books. Until that day comes you are called upon to be warriors of compassion. Such wisdom came from God during this experience that words could never fully convey.

Rehabilitation Continued

I want to thank you for all your prayers, cards, and emails. Last week was a very rough one as gastrointestinal problems and dehydration affected my energy and concentration. As of today, I can tell you I feel that I am more fully  myself once again – renewed energy, renewed concentration and all of my rehab test scores have vastly improved this week. Carla had the idea to start a “Miracle List” each night noting the improvements we have noticed through the day. Years ago, when people came for time with me while I was in Maple Ridge, Christine would always say, “Get your miracle” in a lyrical voice. I think of that now when we make our “Miracle List” at the end of the day—a list of firsts. Every night we have had ten or twelve things of note. Today, I was able to open and close my left hand smoothly and evenly where before it had been a struggle. This early morning, I was doing multiplication tables mentally that were difficult for me last week, I am solving story problems that require inferences and concentration that sent me into a tizzy the day before, my sense of balance for sitting and standing continues to grow. So, what I would like to suggest to you is that you pay attention to the little and big miracles in your life— “Get your miracle!”

St. Francis Statue in the Peace Garden at St. Joseph’s Medical Center

20190331 Rehab Week 2

Dear Beloved in God,

God has lined up quite a time for me. Just in case you didn’t think a hemorrhagic stroke was enough, He decided to give me gastrointestinal problems and I became extremely dehydrated, I could not eat, which has affected my energy level and ability to think clearly. All of that is on the mend now.

All of these challenges have drawn my mind back to God more urgently relying upon His strength, submitting to His will in this as in all things.

Thank you for your prayers, cards, and emails and those that have supported me at this time. Carla stands foremost in that legion along with Jerry and Lois and Rick and Judy who have been a great support to Carla trying to manage so many things at once.

In 1933 Master wrote meditation for March 31st, “I will contact God constantly through the peace of all hearts. I will behold Him on the Altar of My Silence. I will merge in the Eternal One through the Bliss of Meditation.” It is through His Omniscience that I feel you living your lives, taking sure and courageous steps towards God-realization. Surely, we are all in His hands, each and every moment of the day.

The consequence of what God has given me has made me focus on one day at a time, one moment at a time, one victory at a time. That is all that we have or will ever have when we focus on Him– we feel time and space spread out into all eternity. I have a body but I am not this body, I have a mind but I am not this mind. I remain in the Eternal Spirit of God, the one sole Reality.

There is a lovely Peace Garden here at the hospital that Carla has taken me to where there is a statue of St. Francis surrounded by living flowers and birdsong. It has been a great strength to me to think on St. Francis, Mother and Swamiji for all the difficulties they went through. It is a secret blessing of suffering that there is a radiance that goes from that one that is attuned to God that helps lifts the worlds burdens.

Know that I hold you in my heart and that in God there is no separation in time nor space, only oneness, only union in God.

20190321 Fierce Grace

Dear All,

This will be a different kind of posting. On Monday Carla and I were out for a hike near Vulture Peak. I was feeling very strong, flying up the hills without strain. On Tuesday we had gone to do errands in Surprise, Arizona and while walking I felt my knees getting weak. When we returned to the motorhome where we were camping, my legs were not very strong, in fact my knees felt like jelly. I tried to make it up the steps but the portable step collapsed and I went down.

When I got into the motorhome, I was not able to sit up straight nor did I have any strength in my left side. I realized something had happened and that we needed to go to the hospital. When we arrived, Carla told them I was having a stroke and they came rushing out. They took me in for a CT scan. They found blood in my frontal lobe. The blood was caused by a mass irritating the brain cells which was causing the stroke. This is called a Hemorrhagic Stroke which is different than what we usually think of when someone is having a stroke.

Even though I was in this state my speech was alright and my sense of humor intact. There was a sign on the wall that said, “If you assault a caregiver, it is a felony”. When Carla wanted something, the nurse had suggested just yell for them, I pointed at the sign and I said, “I read the sign”. She looked a little startled and broke out in gales of laughter! Later she said, “I told everyone what you said. Everyone loves coming into this room and that’s unusual for someone in your situation. You are so calm, there is something very special about you.” She kept on repeating this over and over. She also said “You look so young! You have found the secret to the Fountain of Youth!”

My condition was as such that it was more than this community hospital could handle and the doctor was dithering. I needed an MRI and wanted to go back to the Northwest to my saintly doctor, Dr. S. so our “angel” nurse went in and told the doctor what she needed to do.

I was flown by helicopter to St. Joseph’s Hospital in Phoenix. The view of the city lights was magnificent as we came in. I was taken to ICU and have been given CT/MRI scans and a variety of tests. This is a teaching hospital and well known for it’s neurology department, which is the exact kind of care I need. God’s Grace. The doctor this morning was in and said with this type of stroke the initial symptoms are more severe but the long term progress is better. Right now I have no strength in my left arm and limited mobility in my left leg so by necessity we will be down here for the next few months.

This has all been quite a shock since I was feeling so perfectly well beforehand. Right now, the doctors do not know where this came from, it is a mystery to them. The doctor had been worried because the blood flow in the brain had been expanding and as of this morning, it is not.

It will be some months in rehab down here. Jerry and Lois were here yesterday with us and a great support. Larry will fly down on Friday. Obviously, this is going to change some of our future plans. I’m sorry to say we will not be up for Easter nor is it likely we will be at Loon Lake.

Throughout this time I felt such a closeness to Swami Satchidananda and know all he went through due to a stroke. I’m dictating this posting to Carla as typing is difficult. I’ve also felt close to Mother. I know that she went through so much. I remember the time she was giving a talk and she had a stroke right when she was giving the talk. Normally I had my eyes closed as I sat behind her and for some reason I opened my eyes and I saw her weaving back and forth. Somehow God arranged it for me to get up and catch her before she fell. I immediately took her to Billie’s car and she drove her to Northwest Hospital.

The idea for entitling this post, Fierce Grace, came from Richard Alpert, known as Ram Dass, (disciple of the great Neem Karola Baba) wrote a book about his experiences having a stroke. He entitled it “Fierce Grace”.

I’m sorry to have to deliver this difficult news and I know it’s not what you want to hear nor is it what I want to have to write to you. Who can doubt I am following in the footsteps of some of the greatest souls I have had a pleasure to know. Fierce Grace INDEED!